Invisibility, Numbness and Other Motherly Super Powers

I am a mother. Regardless of how this thought-train travels, I want to make it clear that I absolutely adore my children and treasure the ability to be with them at home each day.

I'm not ungrateful, I just need to figure out how to cope without going nuts.

I have three children, and our youngest is only 4 months old. Some mothers are able to balance life beautifully, passing through the processes of change and growth with grace and poise. Or maybe they are just good actors. Either way, I'll try to curb my cynical commentary on this subject. I'm not really interested in making comparisons, but rather to have a moment of transparency for my own sake. However beautiful it may be, this time of caring for little ones is not an easy one.

Mother's with older children like to say, "It get's better...this time will pass...it will be over before you know it...just wait till they are teenagers..." Sure, ok. But the forecast is not what I need right now. Right now I need that umbrella, or a snorkel, or duct tape to keep the tsunami from washing me away. Keeping my eyes on the prize is not helpful in being more present with what is in front of me now. But I forgive you for not seeing what is obvious to me, for I am invisible. It is one of my many super powers, along with being numb to sensation and shouting very loudly.

Perhaps you are feeling a little envious now, but I'll just warn you that having these extra abilities can be a drag. Mostly they are troublesome when photos are being taken by people who don't have Photoshop, lovemaking, and when your toddler tears a lampshade in half while you are trying to keep the baby asleep. And in my experience they are temporary, directly associated with short quantities of nightly sleep. So if you are thinking about trying for some super powers of your own, I would suggest an environment of unpredictable sleep bursts of 90 minutes, interspersed with mildly stressful, detail-oriented tasks that are physically demanding...like feeding a colicky baby at 3am, for example.

I, for one, am somewhat interested in hanging up the cape for a day or two. I'm not sure I can disguise all of my current super powers, but I can write this nonsense to those who wish to see me through this blog, and then go into the kitchen to stimulate my senses. This one seems to please most people. Chocolate dipped coconut macaroons, pot roast with fennel, pesto-chicken and vegetable lasagna, and maple pecan granola. I cook. All the while enjoying a cup of slowly steeped long-leaf tea from The Imperial Teas of Lincoln, or a cup of bold coffee with freshly whipped cream laced with a liqueur.

Or I could schedule an appointment with a therapist.