Plastic candy and other forms of sustenance.

I recently had a nightmare that I was at Disney World, alone with three small children in my charge. Wait, that really happened. I know, you are saying to yourself, "Wow, you are brave!" Or, "Boy, you had your hands full!" I know you are saying that because that's what EVERYONE said to me last week, as I marched around Magic Kingdom like a pack-mule. I realize that there could be a million people out there rolling their eyes at my complaints, as thousands of people--EVERY SINGLE DAY--are happy, even grateful, to spend a month's salary entertaining themselves at the world's largest amusement park. "But why?" I ask you.

I had never been to Disney World. When my husband was asked to speak at the Lotusphere conference, and the Disney resort hotel was paid for after all, I thought it might be interesting to bring the kids along and join him in Orlando for the week. I had previously assumed that the whole Disney thing was not for us. Turns out it was a premonition. I expected to see the plasticated world of artificially sweetened characters and actors, along with the atmosphere of anglo-american idealism. This was predictable enough if you have ever seen a Disney movie, shop in the mall, or observed any popular media for the last 40 years. However, I'm not really sure I was prepared for the excessive culture of, "Wait your turn lady...even if you are the only one here waiting." That pushed my buttons. But I vaulted over the edge when it took an incredible amount of effort to find food and water. There were rainbows of giant-sized lollipops galore, salted pretzels, sodas, pizza, hot dogs, and ice cream for everyone (well, as long as you had a large purse of golden coins, or even a bank note to sign over your worldly possessions for these mickey mouse shaped treats.) But don't try to find real food at Disney World.

I admit that I could have been more prepared for this experience...you know, do some research, ask around. But somehow I wanted to believe that our country's most influential icon for the delights of childhood would have a social conscience. I thought for sure they must have a child's best interest in mind. But maybe the problem for me is that the best interest for a child is so culturally relative. I value good nutrition and pleasure that is grounded in relationships and Christian love. And maybe I'm a little naive, but that's not what they are selling down there. Don't get me wrong. There were things at Disney World that I did enjoy quite a lot. The live performances were superb, and several of the interactive 3D shows were very good. I just wished it was all a little less absurd. You know, like paying less than $8 for 3 bottles of water. Or less than $90 for a hot food buffet that includes a live performer who pounds catchy little Disney tunes such as "hot dog hot dog hot diggety dog" into your brain while you eat. That would be less absurd.